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asleep at mal 9/09
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asleep at mal 9/09
Welcome to those of you who are new readers; I've opened this journal up to the public a lot, but there are still the rare friends only posts - so if I know you, drop me a note and I'll make sure to add you.

Feel free to dig into my past posts, ask questions, etc... interaction is good, as long as it's civil; if you're an asshat you will be banned and as an fyi all anonymous comments are screened.

As to who I am/what I'm interested in:
* I'm an old school punk (for real - born in 1966), now a "dainty punk" living in LA
* I have a Bachelors in Film/Video (after spending three years as a Chem-E major and realizing I'm good at but hate that stuff) and am all but thesis on a MFA in Theatre Design (I fail at department politics, and refused to keep paying the department to tell me I was too alternative/confrontational when that was the theatre I love).
* I love cooking, sharing food with friends, clubbing, reading (everything from Tolkien to Shakespeare, Atwood to Allende, Artaud to Gaiman, Kiernan, Ellis, Jemisin, Butler, Buckell, and Morrison), theatre, good films, fun movies, creating stuff, music and dancing.
* I'm polyamorous, queer, I fail at fitting into traditional gender or sexual roles, and I sometimes write about this stuff, but it's always flagged for those of you who don't want to read it
* I'm mixed-race, female(ish) in appearance and very anti-racism, anti-patriarchy, anti-homophobic, anti-rape, pro equality and I may write about that too
* I've had arthritis in my right hip since a fracture over 20 years ago, and chronic pain in my shoulders/upper back forever. I have been more recently diagnosed (between 2005 and 2007) with Hashimoto's Thyroid/Auto-Immune Adrenal Deficiency, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Fibromyalgia and I'm still learning how to cope with these conditions as they get worse - although figuring out the right treatment for this many problems is hard. I have what the neurologist calls Transient Global Amnesia; no known cause for that. I also can't afford many of the suggested treatments and struggle to pay for the absolute must haves; I don't a job, and Medi-Cal (thanks ACA) helps but not enough.

All public posts are open to sharing, quoting, and commenting under a creative commons non-commercial license. Just make sure you link back here.

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8/28/14 16:11(no subject)
asleep at mal 9/09
I just finished reading John Scalzi's excellent Lock In which prompted me to re-read the preqel:

And at the end of the novella, he writes "The half-life between story of the century and not even the story of the day is quicker than you would ever guess.
But then I ask my students: does this mean that it stops being a story worth telling? And I say to them the real journalists among them know the answer even before I ask the question. And the answer is that the story is worth telling every day. The trick is not to find the story of the century. You won’t miss that story when it happens. No one will miss it. The trick is to find the story of the day and for that day make whoever reads it or hears it care about it so intensely that it doesn’t leave them. Then it becomes a story of their life. Maybe even the story of their life."

And it hit home for me that the media seems to fail at the long tail more often lately. We get one new story after another, but not the threads that tie past to present to potential future. They cover Ferguson (after we yell at them enough) but ignore systemic racism and fail to tie it to the other 4 deaths of unarmed black citizens at police hands in the same week. Gaza coverage ignores the history of virtual apatheid there. Sexual assault/rape is almost always treated as an isolated incident rather than a systemic problem that is deliberately underreported by many police to the tune of 1,000,000+rapes at a minimum since 1995 ( We need to demand better.

Also, you should read Lock In; it's a near-future detective novel with 'robots', viruses and amazing tech. Trust me, it's one of the best things I've read this year.
7/21/14 14:04 - Inception and philosophy
asleep at mal 9/09
So I'm taking an online philosophy of film class, and this week we're talking about Inception, dreams vs. reality, and free will.

This was my answer to one of the discussion questions:
Do you ever feel disappointed when you awake from a dream?

As someone who struggles with chronic illness and chronic pain, I dream of life before at times. So yeah I can be sad when I wake. But the world I live in, real or constructed, isn't all bad. There's real love, moments of joy, even rare days when my broken isn't too bad, and I can forget for a little while. That usually involves dancing, which is something I don't dream of, so I'll struggle in this world - the center I find in dance is more peaceful than a dream.
asleep at mal 9/09
Losely inspired by various 'summer of salad' recipes on and the tons of 'food porn' currently streaming online.


2 cups of couscous cooked in chicken stock/olive oil (as directed on the package) with added spices - if it's not thoroughly moist, add more stock - you want this moister than usual as it'll be served cool. I used 3 cups of stock for my 2 cups of couscous, when it called for 2 1/2 cups. I would have preferred the pearled couscous, but that wasn't available.
Added spices:
Tumeric - 1 tsp
Cinnamon - 1/4 tsp
Ancho Chili - 1/4 tsp
Cardamom - 1/4 tsp
Cumin - 1/2 tsp
Paprika - 1 tsp
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste

Grilled vegetables (clean then marinate thoroughly in a mix of olive oil, pesto, salt and pepper). I put an open foil pack of cherrywood wood chips over one burner for added smoky flavor. The vegetable tray went in the center of the grill, with the center two burners off and the outside two on high. Grill until tender and the tomato skins start to split, then chop to smaller size when cool (2-3 pieces per bite).

1 1/2 pounds large crimini mushrooms, cut into sixths or eights to get more surface to grill/smoke
2-3 large red bell peppers, cored, seeded and pushed flat
2 baskets of cherry tomatoes and/or 8-10 smaller regular tomatoes (cut the regular ones in half)
2-3 bunches of asparagus

2 pounds of thick cut boneless pork chops grilled over medium flame (170F) then cut into small pieces when cool. I made a quick marinade of the same spices as the couscous with a bit of oil/balsamic, and let them marinate while the veggies cooked. I pulled the wood chip package before putting the pork on as I wanted a clear flavor difference with the vegetables.

As you get the vegetables chopped, mix in a large bowl, adding the couscous in small batches so it doesn't clump. After they're all in, add a block of feta cheese crumbled, then the pork bites and mix thoroughly. Serve cool, not hot. (I would have also added cucumbers not grilled, but our refrigerator froze them for me).

This is an easy meal to adjust for vegetarians or vegans (replace chicken with vegetable stock, remove cheese/pork, etc) and to swap flavor profiles by changing spices/marinades - this was actually motivated by a thai rice/fish sauce salad which I can't have so... You could sautee or pan roast the vegetables if you don't have a grill or the weather prohibits it's use. And feel free to change up the vegetable choices to whatwever's in season or you like. It would also make a delicious hot side (sans meat) in the colder months, but we're both struggling with eating well in this heat so cool salad sounded good. Leftovers are in a tupperware in the fridge (we'll reheat to room temp as needed), and will be fine for 3-4 days, by which time we'll have finished them.
6/24/14 20:58 - Tex-Mex Mac & Cheese
asleep at mal 9/09
More food pron...

1-2 tbsp olive oil
1 package (16-20oz) ground turkey or ground beef
2 large bell peppers
1 package taco seasoning
3 large tomatoes or 1 can (~14 oz) diced tomatoes - drained
1 can refried beans (16 oz)

Brown the ground meat in the olive oil in a large skillet. Meanwhile, chop the bell peppers into ~ 3/8" cubes after removing seeds and pith. Once the meat is no longer pink, add peppers and the package of seasoning. Chop the tomatoes the same size as the peppers and add them. Cook for ~15 minutes over low heat until the peppers and tomatoes are tender and have released their juices. Stir in the refried beans, mixing thoroughly.

1 box pasta (elbows or similar, your choice of dreamfields, quinoa, regular wheat, etc)
1 stick butter
1 pint half & half
1 pound shredded cheese (mexican, or a mix of cheddar and mozzerella)

Cook pasta as directed, leaving it a bit al dente as it will cook a bit more in the oven. Drain pasta and set aside. In pasta pot, combine cream and butter and warm over low heat, then add the shredded cheese. Mix thoroughly until you have a uniform sauce, then add the pasta back and stir to coat evenly.

1/2 cup shredded parmesan or romano cheese
1/2 pound shredded cheese (same as the pound)

Coat a 9x13 pyrex dish with cooking spray, then add the cheesy pasta, distributing to an even level. Add the meat, veg, and bean mixture and smooth out evenly. Top with a parmesan/romano and 1/2 pound of shredded cheese. Place on a baking sheet to catch any drips, then put into a 350F oven for about 30 minutes, until everything melts together and there is some browning on top. Let this sit and cool for at least 10 minutes so it doesn't fall apart on slicing. Makes 8-12 servings depending on hunger levels, and is a complete meal. We leave leftovers in the pan covered with press & seal or if we're not going to eat it all in a few days, slice and wrap in individual portions then freeze in a freezer bag for up to 3 months.

Notes: you can make this with gluten free pasta, skip meat and replace with mushrooms or meat substitute, make it vegan, etc.

Mmmm... this one was dreamfields penne with ground turkey. Not fancy but delicious, filling and fairly healthy.

6/21/14 12:02 - grilling...
asleep at mal 9/09
We do a fair amount of outdoor cooking here, and I thought I'd share a few tips. This week it was husk on corn cobs (soak in h2o before pulling over low flame, flip once, til tender) and bbq ribs.

For the ribs, we've often just put them on the grill, but they're not tender enough that way. So they went on a sheet tray covered in spice rub then foil and into a 250F oven for ~ 3 hours. Then coat in sauce and grill, turning once, until those crispy outer edges show up.

Mmm... steak. My current favorite is tri-tip on the grill; we usually spice liberally but that's it. The major trick we use aside from good quality beef or buffalo is to pull it out of the fridge ~ 2 hours before cooking to come up to room temp slowly as it cooks more evenly. And it's frequently $5-6 per pound, cheaper than strips with a good fat cap for moisture.

For amazing recipes and detailed hints, check out
asleep at mal 9/09
Beautiful, powerful, freeing... MT @djolder: RT @audreywhiteTX: "Anyway so now you're dead.

Is what they told me."

That @djolder story I just tweeted? Read it. What keeps you here? For me dancing is a big part of it. I feel safe, centered, not broken.....
...not disabled, me. At least for a little while. Even though I'm deliberately on display, I'm rooted in the music and movement.
That tether is why it's worth it to pay in pain later; without dancing I doubt love, friends, family, etc would keep me fighting.
asleep at mal 9/09
A) What accessories do you wear everyday?
For me, this almost never comes off...
Stainless piercing jewelry - pointed loops in front, small hoops with spring closures in back, barbell in tongue
Sterling silver bracelets - one cuff with onyx on the left wrist, two heavy chains that need repair and I notice them missing on my left wrist; on my right wrist two silver cuffs plus three chains
Necklaces - jade on cord that was a gift from Christopher back in the Traxx days, two sterling chains, plus one sterling and marcasite crescent moon/star on a twisted chain and a sterling ball chain with a book locket (it used to have gears on it but they came off, so I plan to have it engraved with an atheist A, the poly infinity, and the LGBT triangle when I can).

B) What is your beauty routine?
I'm bad at this. I use caress soap, ponds face scrubs, burt's bees lip gloss and moisturizer/sunscreen. I rarely wear makeup, and even the lipgloss is only when I'm out with friends, etc. Thank fuck I inherited good genes/skin. Oh, and olay classic age defying eye gel to help with the circles before going out.

C) What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?
A ghostridr skirt from plastik wrap.

D) Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?
Closets, some plastic storage drawers in one of the closets, plus a bunch of nice storage boxes full of clothes, stockings, etc. And under the bed 16" tall rectangular bins for corsets and fabric and stuff that needs repair.

E) What type of earrings are in your ears right now?
Stainless piercing jewelry - pointed loops in front, small hoops with spring closures in back

F) What type of figure do you have?
Thin, a bit of an hourglass with not much in the way of breasts, long legs.

G) Do you wear glasses?
Not really

H) What type of handbag do you carry?
I generally don't, but the one I do have is from English Retreads. I also have a backpack and a laptop bag from them, and cases for cell phones and such.

I) What is your ideal style?
Classic lines, lots of black and jewel tones, everything from the princess bride dress ( to cargo skirts and t-shirts to bustle skirts and corsets. Always with heels - even my sneakers have a 3" heel.

J) What is your favorite brand of jeans?
I don't wear jeans or pants, unless you count on the motorcycle, and those are heine gerrick custom leathers or icon's kevlar denim.

K) Do you wear knee-high stockings?
Rarely - I tend to go for thigh high stockings and/or heavy thigh high tights. Toe bed socks and bare feet for pumps or ankle socks under boots.

L) Do you have to wear matching lingerie?
For clubbing sort-of, otherwise I rarely wear any lingerie at all. Mostly for club it's lace tangas or boyshorts, colored to match my ensemble. Occasionally a bra with an underbust corset, or a dress that needs extra support.

M) Do you wear makeup?
Other than the above mentioned burt's bees lip gloss (in plum), I don't usually. If I am for some reason feeling uber dressy I might manage mascara and basic eyeshadow. No foundation or blush or lip liner or anything - I've never learned how and don't want to waste energy/time on that when I don't need to.

N) Do you wear nightgowns?
To bed? Rarely. But my daily wear is flannel nightgowns shaped like the princess bride dress ( only without angel wing sleeves.

O) What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter's day?
I live in LA so... a cropped leather jacket, a tripp canvas jacket or a modified cassock depending on the weather/what I'm doing.

P) What is your favorite perfume?
BPAL - I like things like blood amber, scheherezad, morocco and antikythera mechanism - spicy, incense and amber bases.

Q) Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?
Quality. Also often I can make that better for less even counting my time.

R) Do you wear rain boots?
No - LA

S) Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?
Socks or sock dreams thigh highs

T) Do you travel with a lot of luggage?
I rarely travel; if I can I shoot for either the english retreads laptop bag or backpack plus a wheeled carryon size suitcase.

U) What is your daily uniform?
Flannel nightgowns from N, bare feet or heels

V) If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?
No veil, purple mohawk pulled into a loose curly ponytail.

W) Do you wear a watch?
Rarely; I do have my great-grandmother's pink gold watch for vintage dress-up.

X) What item of clothing always makes you feel beautiful?
Something that shows off my legs.

Y) What is your favorite type of yarn?
Cotton, silk or silk/bamboo blends (note: I don't knit and I'm allergic to wool)

Z) Do you prefer zippers or buttons?
Zippers for dresses if necessary, buttons or snaps for coats and skirts.