i am struggling so hard these days, a ton of the stuff below is very difficult. and social security delays continue to screw me over big-time, so i'm selling off parts of my life history and my soul that i really would prefer not to (along with lots of things i can't or don't wear or use anymore) - see the for sale tag at the bottom of this post; eating and staying warm are more important though
feel free to dig into my past posts, ask questions, etc... interaction is good, as long as it's civil; if you're an asshat you will be banned
as to who i am/what i'm interested in:
* i'm an old school punk (for real - born in 1966), now a "dainty punk" living in LA
* i have a bachelors in film/video (after spending three+ years as a chem-e major and realizing i'm good at but don't want to do that stuff) and am all but thesis on a MFA in theatre design (i failed at department politics, and refused to keep paying the department to tell me i was too alternative/confrontational when that was the theatre i love)
* i like cooking, sharing food with friends, clubbing, reading (everything from tolkien to shakespeare, atwood to allende, artaud to gaiman, kiernan, ellis, jemisin, butler, buckell, morrison and
...), theatre, good films, fun movies. but my main passions now are creating stuff - usually custom clothing and costumes for me and others, and getting lost in the music and dancing. dance is the only place i sometimes feel free and whole so i fight for it with all i have
* i'm polyamorous, queer, i fail at fitting into traditional gender or sexual roles, and i sometimes write about that stuff, but it's always flagged for those of you who don't want to read it. as far as pronouns go, i prefer they/them but she/her is acceptable. *labels i claim include genderqueer, lgbtq, hard femme, freak, goth, rivethead, punk, activist, feminist, atheist, disabled
* i'm mixed-race, more feminine than masculine in appearance, pan/bisexual and very anti-racism, anti-patriarchy, anti-homophobic, anti-rape, pro equality and i write about that too
*there a cute, bitey, projectile shedding princess named pris who owns me. she keeps me warm and her purrs are called sleepyons because they often knock me out which is helpful on bad pain days
* i've had arthritis in my right hip since a fracture over 20 years ago, and chronic pain in my shoulders/upper back forever. i have been more recently diagnosed (between 2005 and 2007) with hashimoto's thyroid/auto-immune adrenal deficiency, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia and related health fail. i'm still learning how to cope with these conditions as they get worse - although figuring out the right treatment for this many problems is hard
*i have what the neurologist calls transient global amnesia; no known cause for that other than that it started after an extremely bad reaction to lyrica in 2009. it really fucks me up - so when i forget who you are, it's not you; i couldn't pick out my family most of the time. and my love of reading is way hard to indulge now, my cheats for keeping shit straight require cheats, and i may ask you to fill in blanks in my memory if we hang out regularly
*i can't afford some of the suggested treatments and struggle to pay for the absolute must haves; i don't a job, and medi-cal (thanks aca) helps but not enough. i've been fighting to get social security since 2010; they keep dragging their feet on a decision on my appeal from december 2014 (the latest word after my january 2016 er visit is hopefully april or may 2016, but please send them a detailed update and that i "should" be qualified). donations are welcome if you want to help me get through life til then...
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made by Shark (of Shark's Cove at Maryland Renfaire and other faire sites).
this is a hand forged, full tang, high carbon steel katana with a wood grip and brass pommel, ferrule and guard. it comes with a custom made leather scabbard with copper rivets.
blade length ~2'3", grip length to pommel ~1', weight without scabbard ~2.8 pounds.
it's a gorgeous sword, beautifully weighted and i love the stylized skull. i wouldn't be selling this if i didn't have to, but i need to eat...
price including scabbard $1000 (it was at least $1250, but i think the deposit and scabbard were a separate bill and i can't find that receipt).
if you're in the los angeles area, we can arrange an in person meeting for pickup; if not you're responsible for shipping and handling (i shipped it here when i moved from MD to los angeles, i believe professional packing and shipping with insurance ran me about $75).( more images - please share this far and wide (facebook, sca groups, martial arts pages, anywhere you wish)...Collapse )
i can't believe i have to sell my sword. please help me find a good home for him.
new rock boots
, black with gunmetal grey leather, mid-calf, size 40, good condition (https://www.newrockonline.com/en/footwear/m8/m-373-vc3-boots-m8.html
)$150 + shipping( picsCollapse )underground winklepickers
, size 7 UK, barely worn, mid-calf - 9 buckle (similar to https://underground-shop.co.uk/reloaded-winklepickers/bogart-boots-black-leather-plain-buckle
)$50 + shipping( picsCollapse )
these are fabulous boots, but they're too big and don't have a high enough heel rise for me to wear anymore. the new rocks were my motorcycle boots, so they have a little more wear on the sole than the undergrounds which are virtually unworn, but they're both in good shape.
i accept paypal, and will ship anywhere you're willing to pay me to ship. if you're local to los angeles, we should be able to meet so you can pick your things up.
expect more posts throughout the week - i'm struggling with bills so i'm getting rid of a lot of clothes that are too big for my new size and i can't easily alter. if you've wanted to raid my closet, now is the perfect time!
p.s. these are public posts, please share them anywhere/everywhere you think might have interest - here, facebook, twitter, wherever. thanks!
hi all… this is not directed at anyone in particular, but i've been overwhelmed by some stuff and wanted to ask everyone to help me out. i love that so many of you care about what's going on with me health wise, that you ask me how i'm doing and listen, that you want me to do things with you. but sometimes the teasing about my newly uber-thin size or my limits, asking me when ?? will be better, or the wtf expressions when i sometimes answer 'how are you' honestly can hurt. and often suggestions on how to fix my body or to just push through something i can't do or that costs too much physically/pain wise are frustrating. so please know that my doctors and i have my health managed as well as possible, i push for the things i can do and enjoy without making shit worse, and if you don't want to maybe hear what ridiculous fubar my body is throwing at me this week (a 50-50 chance i'll babble/vent atm), instead of 'hi, how are you' try 'hi, it's good to see you' or something like that. no apologies necessary, i know you're all coming from a good place, and i probably owe a few of you apologies for venting in your direction after a 'how are you' - but you did ask. also, this is not a woe is me post, but the reality i live every fucking day - it's hard, i'm angry about it, and i screw up a lot when i fail at cope, but i'm fighting to have the best life possible and you all usually make me feel happier, so the recent trend is no doubt an anomaly (i'm stressed out and raw from new to me manifestations of my body fail). i know the hurt is unintentional, that you're trying to help/encourage me... for which i thank you sincerely, but i'm asking you to knock it off for now - i'll let you know when teasing me about my health/size is okay again (once this becomes my new normal it won't be so hard). ( long post is long - tl;dr is aboveCollapse )
large 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment in koreatown near first and vermont. the empty bedroom is about 10'11" x 15'3" with a 3'4" x 4'5" walk in closet; the living room ~11'6"x14'6" with a small balcony through the arched window/doors and dining room (or office or...) ~10'6x14'6" are also yours.
there's a garage with room for second car and a visitor to park off-street, and a patio area with a pavillion, table & chairs and room for a grill, etc. we have a washer and gas dryer in the utility room (i need to get the washer fixed at the moment, it's not draining properly). this is a pet friendly building (there's a cat, another one or two would be fine as would a small to mid-size pup).
the location is great. because of the large living room and dining room, this would be an ideal place for someone who runs a business from home or needs a home office!
please feel free to share with your los angeles area friends. first month's rent plus security due at move in. contact me to see the unit and discuss rent, utilities, etc.
pictures below are to give you an idea of the space (featuring high ceilings, hardwood floors, and lots of big windows); the empty bedroom and bathroom are being completely repainted this weekend (as of 2/4/16). the living room/dining room are currently being worked on as there was someone living in there previously who trashed the space. the living room will be completely redone and the dining room will be emptied, cleaned and have touch up paint done by the end of the month.
this bedroom is the smallest at ~10'x14'6" and still comfortably contains an extra large queen size bed, bookshelves etc and a full size dining room table/work space to give you an idea of how much room there really is...
p.s. anyone can comment but if you're not using livejournal, please give me an email to contact you.
hallowe'en weekend was good if a bit much; i worked the door for the hex hallowe'en ball at monte cristo and froze my but off til i got to go get drinks and things cleared out enough for me to dance a little. i also resized the erte cosplay i did in 2008 or 2009; pictures of that eventually when i get the headpiece fixed and someone to take them.
i've been keeping myself semi-busy fixing all the clothes that are too big as i'm down to consistently tiny and tired of having everything pinned on, plus summer wear i can get away with that, but winter clothes are heavy and don't look right or stay on. we had a few weeks of ludicrous cold snap (like down 25 degrees farenheit in a day) weather here, but thankfully we're back to normal for la fall now, 70s and 80s daytime and 50s nights; cold but doable.
inspired by danabren
i've been using nonewsomo to help motivate myself to finish some of the repairs and resizing. starting with the erte cosplay (which was technically october), i've completed repairs on two skirts and have one that needs washed before putting it back together smaller, a shirt/vest, my assassin's creed cosplay, and a bunch of fiddly repairs like loose buttons and nightgowns with holes in them. i've also gotten back to work on my new winter coat, which was at the point of needing sleeves, collar, etc when i put it down two years ago, but when i picked it up again it needed 6" of fabric removed in the upper body before i could resume work. now back to fighting with sleeves - i love the finished product this (now heavily modified) cassock makes, but the sleeves are the bane of my existence every time i work on one of them.
i've also been sleeping a ton as it's cold out, and my body doesn't like that so much. often i get up early-ish for me, then go nap in the sun for a while, other days i've spent 16 hours asleep out of 24. but i'm still getting out with friends whenever i can - i've even found center in dance once or twice recently. oh, and i found out that unlabeled, hidden soy is common in vegetable stock much to my anger - a huge pot of split pea soup with ham that i can't eat and made me sick for a week (i dropped two more pounds which i am still struggling to regain) has been fed to friends.( cut for assassin"s creed cosplay picturesCollapse )
last sunday - one of my favorite clubs b4y2k; old school 80's and 90's - synth, goth, industrial, punk, etc. so much good music, people i adore spending time with, and i actually paid for it mostly in advance. bonus flirting with a few friends including my current fwb. someone did steal my nearly full pack of smokes, but meh. i hit center and stayed there for a good while. in other words, as close to perfect as possible.
actual birthday thursday - totally chilled out day of napping with miss pris; i wanted to build up more of a reserve for the weekend
friday - mal was full of good music and people i adore. and rather than grabbing food out after the club, my dd and co came into my place for chicken and rice and conversation. the food was a hit, and i'm lucky to have these people in my life.
saturday - pumpkin carving/bbq was spent talking and eating with occasional cooking duties; the ridiculously huge tri-tip i brought was delicious and i cut off a hunk for sunday's picnic. discretion/valor and all that meant i didn't carve a pumpkin (as usual), but that's just fine. and i was slightly surprised that vicarz came by - it was great to catch up, and he gave me a ride back over the hill.
sunday - six flags was sooo much fun even if we got a really late start. a friend took me to ride coasters, and they are adrenaline junkies too, so it worked ridiculously well. we rode x2, tatsu, apocalypse, twisted colossus twice, green lantern, scream, and golaith twice. i brought in my flask, which meant that adding it to fresh squeezed lemonade made sort-of an amaretto sour. the fright-fest actors were somewhat frustrated with us as they couldn't scare either of us, and on several occasions we scared them - still even without paying for the upgrade to the mazes what we saw of frightfest was well done. and at close we went out to have a post ride tailgate of tri-tip, three cheese bread and cambazola and havarti cheeses with more amaretto for me and iced coffee for them - multiple people walked passed drooling over our belated dinner but we just (unobviously) laughed; not my fault you didn't think of packing a picnic. i'm not sure which is my favorite coaster now - twisted colossus is an amazing fast wooden coaster with multiple corkscrews (yes, upside down) while goliath is a steel coaster that pulls off the hang time of a great wooden coaster. today, given the weather at 10pm+ (fog had rolled in so...) we had this beautiful moon and the park through heavy fog i'd go goliath, but twisted colossus was excellent too. but either way, a phenomenal day for both of us.
in between, i spent a shit-ton of time sleeping to recover and/or to build up energy for the next thing; miss pris was a huge help there as she makes 'kitty sleepions'. that said, tomorrow is definitely another recovery day - i'm okay, but everything hurts plus i'm down to 198.8 lbs (too light). i've even been extra cautious about meals/calories. i also did a lot of thinking about what i wear and shoe choice to minimize the pain, using my cane and/or getting rides with friends, etc. but even being smart about it, pain is. that said, what an amazing week+; i hope my 50th celebration is this good.
i am incredibly lucky to have so many good people in my life; we're all majorly misanthropic but we love and take car of each other. so selective misanthropy for the win?
eta: i lost last sunday to transient global amnesia; the write up was thanks to my friends filling me in on the evening. but i was pretty sure i'd had a blast based on how i felt monday - my legs and hip were balls of pain, which is usually because i've done something fun and i was right.
note: fear/terror, sexual harassment, guns, potential gun violence, threats of rape
so a few minutes ago i was checking failbook for a distraction as i was already nearly at full on flight or fight mode because neighbors are having a piercing shrieks, screaming, throwing shit at walls fight; there's not much to be done other than hope they calm down or one of them leaves for a while. and several people posted a meme/experiment that said something close to 'like this if you've never had a gun pulled on you, share it if you have'.
and then that flashback flooded in, something i probably couldn't have remembered yesterday, and will no doubt be gone again tomorrow, and i'm ready to jump out of my skin. entitled asshole guy, my friend and i weren't interested, politely said so, that didn't work, i grew less and less polite, he finally walked down the road home, we were glad he left. his/my/our friends left too (we were outside my college apartment chatting with a group). and then he returned with a gun and started getting really scary. he really wanted us and kept threatening, i kept trying to calm him down while my friend called the sheriff who was no-where near of course, and when he finally got to my place he finished talking asshat down then gave us the boys will be boys lecture - i'm not sure who i was more angry at - guy with gun or sheriff. i can't remember most names, just a youngish blonde guy, skinny and angry who would not take no from me and my friend - for some reason he thought we were a couple who'd like a guy in between, and that lezbos like us should be happy for the attention and the usual macho bullshit. not a big deal in the grand scheme of shit, but it slammed into me like a pack of bricks just now, and i need to get it out.
i have repeatedly mentioned that i'm rather an adrenaline junky, but this is not what i meant. normally that meme would have been an oh yeah, that happened. and oh, for all that i've lived in 'high crime' areas of big cities much of my adult life, the only time i've ever had a gun pulled on me it was a white male asshat in nearly the middle of nowhere country that it happened. instead i got the jolt of adrenaline and a bad memory and angry and shaking; if i actually think about it some guy was threatening our lives because we wouldn't give him sex, and that was just boys will be boys; we still seem to treat such incidents that way if it's a white kid. or at best when he does actually act on his misogynistic understanding of the world and kills someone or many someones he's mentally ill. nope, but our society has a major problem with toxic masculinity and it's infuriating.
btw, i'm sure this could be better written, but if you want to share it feel free. this kind of shit happens endlessly, and we as a society don't seem to notice or we let it drop as inconsequential. another point in the rounds of discussions - it shows that almost nothing has changed since the early 80's except now we can write about it online, and record it with cell phone video if we're lucky. if i'd had a similar camera (they didn't exist then) and the presence of mind to record it would have been supremely interesting source material for one of my angry film school projects a few years later (also the 80's).