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asleep at mal 9/09
alumiere
Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One 
5/23/09 21:58
asleep at mal 9/09
Do you believe in monogamy?

odd question... of course monogamy exists

but for me, monogamy fails as a healthy relationship choice - every monogamous relationship i've ever had has ended less than well, and often it was my fault

sometimes it would be because as i got more comfortable with the person and the new wore off i'd subconsciously sabotage the relationship, in a few cases i actively cheated, and in other cases my partner turned out to be a total ass but i got involved with him/her because i wanted to be with someone

anyway, these days i wouldn't get involved with someone who insisted on monagamy; i am not wired that way and i don't need to cause myself or anyone else pain

otoh, for those of you who are monogamous and it works - i'm glad you're happy and in a healthy relationship

my only request is that you stop judging my relationships - they work for us and while it may require a bit more effort and communication and a lot more trust than i see in many monogamous relationships, we're quite happy and content (and we get to have our cake and eat it too - which is a most excellent thing in my book)
Comments 
5/24/09 10:37 (UTC) - Mmmm, cake.
I can't think of anyone who could know you well & have any judgments on your relationships. The only people who should have marked opinions about 'em are the people in 'em. (Unless there's some crazy emotional or physical abuse, in which case friends should be shooting their mouths off). You are a mature person who's been through a lot, & are honest. So the people involved w/ you know - they are the "need to know" quotient. ;) If people other than they are expressing their opinions to you about who's boinking who, heck w/ them.

Moooooooonogamoose: I have been in both monogamous & non-monogamous situations: both are fine for me depending on the partner. If things are varied enough w/ one person & monogamy is seriously important to them, I can do it. I've also been in open situations which were (just like you say above) totally fine, *with* the addition of lotsa communication.

I know how you feel, about hamstringing yourself sometimes: I have occasionally sabotaged myself by getting into relationships w/ the wrong people: ie, someone I could just *smell* wasn't a good long-term prospect, rather than be alone. But that was awhile ago: now I would *much rather* be alone than feel I am toiling along w/ the wrong guy or gal on my arm.