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asleep at mal 9/09
alumiere
wednesday - apparently i'm more incoherent than i thought - i… 
10/31/09 15:39
asleep at mal 9/09


wednesday - apparently i'm more incoherent than i thought - i wrote a single sentence that included the word good four times, and didn't notice till my friend replied; i also thought it was tuesday until t came home and corrected me, had to go back and look at posts for yesterday to figure out what i did (scary); divorce bs made me incredibly angry today (luckily t came home around the same time as paperwork was delivered and helped keep me from totally losing it) which is not good, and i am struggling to relax and go to sleep (also, i think either the adderall ups my aggro like chantix did or divorce crap on top of frustration at not knowing what's wrong w/ me is too much atm); jaw ridiculously sore from clenching (partly adderall but this is way worse than normal); lastly, it seems i'm getting sick - throat worse, headache, bodyache, sinuses stuffy, lymph nodes/ears tender - how can i get sick when i'm already on anti-biotics and had my flu shot weeks ago?!

thursday - 12:30am, still awake (pain, pain, pain); going to take another dose of muscle relaxers & pain meds in hopes of sleep - i'd like to feel at least semi human for friday's halloween festivities; 3am - still awake (pain, frustration) - insomnia has returned in full force; finally managed broken sleep from about 3:30 til 12:30 but major nightmares; woke angry but lucid so i responded to a few things online and took the first steps toward dealing with ex b.s. (sometimes anger = focus, othertimes anger = blank, never know which or when); definitely getting/am sick (cold? flu?) which i do not need right now; also dehydrated/dry/can't get enough water side effect is now making lips bleed almost constantly and my skin is peeling as if i'd had sunburn (i don't, some of the newer meds are very clear about no sun) - both of those are in spite of constant re-application of good moisturizers and lip balms and 4-5 20 oz glasses of water/day

friday - still somewhat stuffy, sore throat, but fever is gone so whatever this is it seems short lived; slept ok last nite, napped today as well; meds are still upsetting my stomach and antibiotics are making the candidia worse, but weight seems to have stabilized finally i think; two weeks plus into the antibiotics and no change that i can see in memory issues

saturday - about the same as friday - i think i'm mostly acclimated to the anti-biotics, etc now (side effects continue to be rough on my digestive system and the candidia is still bad in my throat/mouth); adderall seems to be doing less to keep me from sleeping all the time too - i suspect i'll be napping after i finish my lunch; i did go out for the halloween combichrist show yesterday so at least i got to see friends even if i didn't really dance or catch most of the show