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asleep at mal 9/09
alumiere
And on a totally different subject 
1/9/10 12:17
asleep at mal 9/09
sirriamnis has a post up at CA NOW: http://www.canow.org/canoworg/2010/01/eating-disorders-are-forever-.html

And it along with several other recent threads and posts about eating and food and body shape and size have spurred this topic. I'll admit, I only ever manage to eat lunch and dinner plus a bedtime snack if I'm hungry.

But I've gone from watching everything I eat to keep from gaining weight in spite of exercise, to watching everything I eat to not lose more weight and retain muscle mass. I'm 5'7" and 120 pounds today, which is at the bottom of acceptable according to the NIH. But if I drop another 5 pounds I'm underweight, hence the struggle. And I don't eat breakfast now because of the thyroid medication - that needs to be taken on an empty stomach 2-3 hours before anything else.

But that habit of not eating breakfast? Probably showed up when I was in High School. It's harder to hide the fact that you're not eating at a family dinner than in the morning when everyone's running out the door to school and/or work. I had self esteem issues like pretty much every other girl on the planet, and spent too much time in my own head; usually the smartest student in class; your basic introverted geek before that was acceptable (HS Graduation May 1984).

There are a couple of problems that Sirriamnis talks about in terms of learned behavior, and thinking you're too busy to eat. I don't do that anymore; between the meds and the restricted diet I can't. Instead I spend a couple of hours every day trying to get meals down. And I don't mean a few hours of cooking time, I mean a few hours to eat a salad or a slice of lasagna, etc. The smells and tastes that changed with the bad Lyrica reaction continue, and while the new meds are making the Candidia better, I'm still having a hard time swallowing.

I think I lost the thought thread now, but there's something wrong with the way American's (me included) view food, diet, exercise, body shapes. Why am I comfortable wearing a cropped top and hobble skirt to the club now, when I rarely went out sans corset a few months ago? I'm a little bit thinner (maybe 1/2" at my waist) but not enough that I should have been worried about showing off a bit of belly last year.

Our skewed view of women's bodies results in a lot of us not liking the way we look, when we in fact look great. But we haven't been photoshopped so that our heads are larger than our hips. Sometimes I even believe that when I look in the mirror at myself.


Custom hobble by slyx, cincher & crop top by http://www.egoassassin.com, light up mohawk by me, pictures post club 12/09, copyright Alumiere.



Edit Oh, and these were two of the other articles that inspired this:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1237677/Plus-size-Crystal-Renn-takes-traditional-model-prove-fashion-flatter-figure.html and
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/34766041/ns/today-today_fashion_and_beauty?GT1=43001.
I hate most of the clothing and styling choices, but the women are beautiful.
Comments 
1/8/10 23:12 (UTC)
I've not yet read the post you linked to, but as far as bellies go, it hardly takes anything for me to go from 'I look good' to 'I don't look good'. I could wear a crop top in the morning and afternoon but by evening (especially after dinner) I've eaten enough, had enough water, and just been up fighting gravity long enough that I don't feel like showing it. I wouldn't say that I look *fat* exactly, just soft and pudgy and not really flattered by such outfits :P
1/8/10 23:49 (UTC)
Ok, apparently we have a lot of the same issues here. I hate my girl belly, and nothing I do totally gets rid of it. But I've seen you in similar outfits and you always look stunning, so I think it's our perceptions of our bodies that is skewed.
1/9/10 0:09 (UTC)
I don't know - whenever I've worn those outfits it was a good, non-pudge day. Which is why I wouldn't say I look 'fat' because you can't lose fat overnight, so I know it's just retained water or a really big dinner. I'll admit that when I was 20 I always thought I would be perfect if I could just lose 5 pounds, and now I weigh about 15 more and I realize that I was an idiot when I was 20. Now I wish I was in better shape, but I don't want to lose weight at all. I just want to be stronger.