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asleep at mal 9/09
alumiere
Wow - zooom responds 
1/25/10 19:32
asleep at mal 9/09
But I can't comment to his post so I'll link it here if you want to see it. It is a semi-masterful mess of vitriol, half truths and unfounded accusations.



The last time you visited and stayed there in Dec. '07, you treated my home like it was a hotel that you could care less about and that someone would clean up after you and the mess you left about like there was a maid service. You tried to refinance it quietly to get money out of trumped up equity that really wasn't and make the house even more upside down than it already was, and you did this all without my consent or knowledge. I only found out because I got a call while I was out for the evening from the lender to get my approval and let me know paperwork was forthcoming. If it weren't for Jer and Marci being there to visit with you and subsequently, me also after the fact, I would have torn you a new ass like you hadn't seen me ever do before right then and there.

WTF? The last time I stayed at the house I worked my job full time, sorted and packed a huge amount of stuff, I cooked for you, and I did not treat our house like a hotel. It was my house too, and yes I did stay there, but I was paying for half the house, half the utilities, half the insurance, etc so I had every right to be there. If my staying in the house in 07 was difficult you should have told me then and bought me out. This is the first I've heard mention of this, and you've certainly never brought it up with me face to face that I can recall.

As for the re-finance, our lender called me and requested scheduling a meeting to talk to us about re-financing to a lower interest rate. I said I needed to talk to you, as I no longer lived in the house, and I'd get back to him once we'd had a chance to talk. I never initiated a re-finance, and a pushy sales guy didn't give me a chance to talk to you about it at all, just called you and told you he'd talked to me about refinancing, which was true, but I never agreed to or suggested any of it. So you're twisting the facts to suit your idea that I'd done something wrong in 2007; again, this is the first time you've mentioned that since 2007, and I had completely forgotten about it.

Getting you to come east in July '08 and get your crap out of the house due to the pending deed in lieu was another task. You enlisted the help of friends, which I had no problem with. I wasn't ever trying to restrict you from doing or going through anything. I pointed you in specific directions because you were too busy putting your attention towards socializing with friends that were there to help, and on the phone, and of course your nightlife activities instead of your responsibilties.

Again, I say WTF? I had scheduled two days to be there and sort through stuff with plenty of help; by mid-afternoon on Saturday I was done with what you'd told me to look at, and asked you several times what else you wanted me to go through. You replied that there was nothing else, so instead of spending all of Saturday and all of Sunday working at the house as planned and then going to PA to see Mom & Grandma Sunday Night, I was done in time to go to a party at Sean's in Fredrick (totally unplanned, but you said I was done and you'd prefer if we talked about the rest of the stuff later in the week because you were hanging out with K & L). You'd insisted on my previous visits that you wanted the furniture, TV, tools, etc, and since you didn't offer any of it, I didn't ask again.

Regading the Ducati: You offered me the Ducati the day before I was scheduled to fly back to LA, nearly a week after I'd packed up everything you'd given me the ok to keep and shipped it to myself in LA. I've been trying to sell it since, but no dice. Next time we come east the plan is to fly out and rent a U-haul van and bring it to LA - I know a few people here who want it, and have someone who can help me clean it up. I never intended to leave it at Christian's all this time, but since you didn't offer it to me until it was too late for me to rent a pod (which would have cost about the same as shipping the house stuff/bedframe alone) or do anything else about it the Ducati is in MD until I can travel, hopefully this summer at the latest.

You went on to use your LiveJournal to say many things. You went on to say that I filed for divorce 2 days after you lost your job and to correct things on that, here is some fact for ya. I filed for divorce on February 5th (as a matter of public and court record, and this can be verified. for those interested, I can Email you the case link on an individual basis instead of posting it and violating some level of privacy)

As for your divorce filing, I'll give you part of that. You filed the court paperwork on 2/5/09. But you didn't attempt to deliver a copy to me until I was packing to move, as your email of 2/24/09 asking for my new to be address indicates (it was just a hi, need to send you a package, what's your new address). I was told I was being laid off on 2/27/09. And I got your package with the divorce paperwork on 3/16/09. So forgive me for not being able to read your mind on the date you filed since you didn't inform me for quite some time.

As for the dates of my being informed of my layoff and the end of employment, what of it? I stayed on to train my replacement and have been looking for a job since April 09; the market is horrible everywhere, not just in LA.

As for my lawyer, she was recommended to me as a divorce attorney as part of the firm she works with. I talked to her and liked her, and her advice seemed sound. As the recommendation was from a friend I trust (not Vicar, he didn't have suggestions for MD Divorce attorneys) I went with her, and I've been happy with her assistance overall.

She made the court question her defense when she brought it up, and forced them to require her to provide a sworn affidavit from her doctor as to why she could NOT travel and when she might be able to, since she was not going to be given the opportunity to be able to testify in the trial by phone or video since the State of MD does not do that (the Master told her this repeatedly in the scheduling hearing when she phoned in).

Um, huh? First of all, I do not recall the master asking for an affidavit during the October hearing, I just remember him arbitrarily setting a date when I couldn't tell him when I'd be "better". Secondly, I planned to attend up until 12/23/09, when phone calls with my Doctors made me realize that flying was a stupid idea. There is a small possibility I may have had a stroke or other brain damage because of a bad reaction to medication, which meant getting on a plane before the neurologist appointments and tests was unsafe. I filed an Americans with Disability Act request to postpone the hearing or allow remote testimony because of that on 12/23/09. I sent them the information that I had on hand including proof of my disability and the medication information, because it was the holidays and a signed affidavit from my Doctor wasn't available. Do you honestly think I'm making this shit up?

The plan was for me to fly east, my Mom was going to pick me up and take me to court and back me up when I inevitably forgot things or got lost. That changed as I noted in my response to you here, and the court didn't tell me until 12/30/09 that they were refusing my ADA petition for postponement even though they'd had the documentation since 12/23/09. If they'd contacted my Doctor directly or even contacted me within a few days of the ADA filing I might have been able to get an affidavit between 12/26 and 12/30, but they did not and I did not know it was required for an ADA petition (I was told it was not required, as this was different than the previous filings).

As for the stuff about your grandfather, I apologize if I offended you or his memory. I loved him too, and while I have no idea what post or comment you're talking about I'll look for it.

To this date and writing, there still has not been that sworn affidavit seen by the court or by me.

As this is the first time I've been asked for said affidavit that I can recall, I'll get that when I have my follow up with the neurologist and the specialist. At no time has the court sent me anything requesting an affidavit regarding my health in writing, and I have memory loss issues, so if it was said in a phone call I may have not understood or remembered it.

She claims to be so poor and yet I am the one that is sleeping with a mattress on the floor while she has 2 complete bedframes (because she got one when she 1st moved to LA and then took the one I had here in MD and shipped it back to LA in an exchange of property).

Bullshit. You said this in paperwork for the court too, that I'd taken your bed. No, I did not. I took the head and foot boards of our bed, leaving you the frame and the mattresses. What you did after that is not my problem, and the second head/foot board was very cheap, absolute garbage, and broke before I moved out of the studio. The bedframe itself? That I built just like our Pennsic bedframes, and I still don't have a mattress, just an aerobed and foam topper, the same as when you visted in 2007.

I do use the Singer sewing machine Grammy gave me, although it's not worth much monetarily, but you probably have no clue about how many old Singers there are in LA. Have you resumed contact with her? You seemed to want nothing to do with Grammy the last I knew, if that's changed I'm glad; she's a wonderful person.

As for finances and being broke? I am doing sewing work when I can thread the machine and use it without sewing myself. I'd still like to turn my company into a going concern, but it's very difficult to do. Jobs? I've been looking since April 2009, and haven't even gotten an interview in person. I do have a wig and a suit, just like every other "freak" I know. So I can appear professional if it's required, but since I haven't gotten an interview my appearance is not an issue at all. Even Barnes & Noble didn't call me for an interview, and while I doubt full time retail is a reasonable option, I need a job and I'm trying everything to find one.

Regarding selling stuff? I'm selling what I think might sell, when I have the energy to take pictures and post them, and it's all properly cleaned and cared for, not sweat stained. I'm not selling the Hawk because he's a good fit for me, he's not worth much, and there is still hope that we can get this memory loss sorted out and my energy levels back to normal and I'll need him to get to/from work if/when I find a job.

And don't judge me or tell me I'm not sick until you've walked a mile in my high heeled boots. Remember how much pain I was in day-to-day in MD? That six out of ten on my pain scale? Well that's a really good day now, and I've never had so little energy, even when I was sick all the time. Relocating for work where? I certainly won't consider living on the East coast again, because while my pain tolerance is much higher than it used to be, I'm already at that level of pain most days in the desert. Cold and damp and snowy would be impossible. And no-one is hiring un-certified Cisco techs regardless of experience here in Southern California that I can find, except the one place that emailed me asking "can you do installations of big routers and carry all the equipment," and the answer I sent was I can carry up to 75 pounds; that wasn't enough, and the fact that I can't drive right now was also a problem.

I know this due to a friends daughter who is experiencing (and has comfirmed diagnosis of her conditions) the exact things that Kim claims, and yet holds down a regular functional full time job and daily activities, even though there are times it is tough and downright painful for her to do. There are far sicker people than her, whom do the same on a day to day basis, whose blogs are well read, and still they trudge on and do, proactively, what they need to do. They don't take to wallowing in the mires of their inabilities on the internet, trolling for compassion and attention, like it seems Kim does on her LJ. They vent and record and move on, occasionally looking for a discourse of shared experience from an equal. That time that Kim spends on the internet can be better used to pursue avenues of finding the best health care at the lowest price possible for herself, if her health is truly her #1 priority, rather than ranting about how bad the system is and not doing anything about it. Based on how much she goes to the clubs, at her age, with her claimed health problems, I seem to question that, but it is her life, not mine.

You have absolutely no right at all, nor are you even remotely correct. Some Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome do hold down full time jobs, others cannot. I have confirmed diagnoses of these as well, if you'd bothered to look at the paperwork I sent you. If those were the only things wrong with me perhaps it would be more controllable. As it is, I cannot leave the house without getting sick and throwing up roughly one third of the time. I can barely keep enough calories in my body to keep my weight above 115 pounds. It is not just pain or tiredness. I really really want you to come see me just so you can see how fucked up my body is; I should not be out of breath, panting and shaking from spending 10 minutes in the kitchen cutting vegetables for lunch, let alone the near impossibility of completing everyday tasks like a shower and shaving without needing to go to bed immediately afterwords because I'm out of energy.

$#^&%$# you and whatever bullshit you've twisted my writing and re-posting of links into. I do this because it's the only connection I have with the outside world most of the time. And I've been inspired to write more publicly because the health care crisis is very real and in my face, and I need to be public about this. Also, the only reason I'm even awake to do this is because they've put me on Adderall for the Chronic Fatigue; without that I'd be asleep 14-16 hours a day, with Adderall I can sit at my computer and job hunt and read and occasionally write intelligently (Twitter does not require much thought at all) but I get one real physical activity most days, and that's it. Finally, I write because it helps keep my brain working and gives me a record of what I've forgotten in any given day.

No doubt your friend's daughter has health issues as well; I hope she continues to be ok. But comparing the two of us? Is she 43? Does she have Hashimoto's? Auto-immune adrenal disfunction? Systemic -azole resistant Candidia? Memory loss due to an unknown condition but taking the form of mild "Transient Global Amnesia"? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia both? Does she only get to eat 20G of carbs per day and does she have to try to eat a balanced diet and cook almost everything herself because of it? I seriously doubt it, and let's not forget the long term arthritis, shoulder problems, tmj, or ovarian cysts. To compare us would be like comparing brightlotusmoon (we both know her so it seemed a fitting example) and I; she has Fibromyalgia and Epilepsy, but we are under very different treatment plans and have different limitations and medical needs.

As for medications and self medications, again, you have no right. For the record, I used to drink, probably too much, as a painkiller. The Candidia means that's not an option anymore, nor is eating pretty much anything made with wheat, corn syrup or starch, gluten, rice, sugar, etc. Prescription medications treat some of the symptoms I have, but not the underlying causes, and something is out of whack and has been getting worse. And the fact that I'm allergic to NSAIDs makes pain medication a problem - I don't like the side effects of the only one that really works, but the others do little to nothing and one of them often gives me migraines. So I struggle to deal with the pain without pain medication except Savella during the day, and take Soma or Flexoril at night (both muscle relaxants prescribed for Fibromyalgia patients regularly), and leave the heavy stuff for when I'm at what would have been a twelve or thirteen on my pain scale when I lived in MD. The scale has shifted considerably; the ovarian cysts that used to make me so sick and was my ten are a seven on my current scale.

And yes, I do still club at 43. You've never gotten it apparently, although I can't figure out how you missed that this was very very important to me in all the years we were together. I went out to the club, often two or three nights a week without you because you weren't interested in dancing and didn't enjoy it very much. I have not changed one iota in that dancing is my center. As I noted somewhere my dancing has been compared to the Mawlawi Whirling Dervishes. For me dancing is as close as I get to a religious experience, and it's been that way since before we started dating, so I don't get why you think that should change. When I'm so sick that I only get one thing a day, would I fight to dance if it weren't of paramount importance to my physical and mental health?

A question - did you stop riding all of a sudden since I last saw you? You used to talk about the motorcycle and the bike track as giving you some of the same feelings, although I'm not sure it's as central to you as dancing is for me. After all, you've only been riding for what? 7? years; I've been dancing for about 30 years now and I'll fight to keep dancing for as long as I can. Giving up on dance would be giving up on me as well.

You also make some assertions that instead of reading online or writing that I should be doing what I need to to get better. WTF do you think all these health journals and tweets are about? Since I can't always remember things I have to write them down. I spend a lot of time online reading about what's going on with me and trying to turn that into something useful to take to the doctors. I'd very much like to be fixed now. And I'm getting the best treatment I can, which includes a lot of things my insurance company refuses to cover because I have a high deductible ($2000), or because it's out of network, or the medications are new, or I'm over my yearly limit on what they'll pay. I hope you never have to debate whether to pay for the medication and care that is keeping you alive and buying groceries or paying your electric bill. That's a regular occurrence for me and it sucks a lot, and that's why I write about all of this. Not to get attention or sympathy or pity, but because our system is broken and if we don't talk about it then it's not going to ever get fixed. And I wish there was a swear word that summed up how *%%E&*^%### you are for even thinking this journal is wallowing in the mires of their inabilities on the internet, trolling for compassion and attention.

I don't wish you ill, but I am absolutely disgusted with many of the things you said in your post. Many are either your spins of the facts or patently untrue. I will be getting an affidavit from my Doctor and the Neurologist regarding my health problems and why I shouldn't have traveled on 1/2/10 since that's what you seem to want, and perhaps you'll get it then. I have no comprehension of how you can be this dishonorable towards me - or is it dishonest to yourself (in that you refuse to remember the lies or acknowledge that you broke promises you made to me)? I especially love the fact that no-where have you mentioned that you lied to my face in July 08 regarding the utilities, while you seem to accuse me of making this illness and the huge medical bills up. I mean you've seen my daily medication pile, both while you were here in 07 and while I was in MD later in 07; that was a much lighter load of pills than now. You've also seen my Doctors bills as part of the divorce case, so the only question I can ask is WHAT THE FUCK?

Edit to add: Hey, in your accusation mess, you ask me for proof I paid those utility bills, and said my spreadsheet of our joint account isn't enough. Fine, I will get the original statements and put them in a pdf and send them to you and hard copies to the court itemizing every deposit and withdrawal from the joint account and showing the payment of the utilities.

In return, I want you to send me proof that you paid the utilities on time every month of 2008 as you told me in July. I want proof that you deposited half of K's rent into the joint account for all of 2008 as agreed. I want proof that you made transfers into the joint account to cover your car insurance since that was being deducted from our joint account along with the homeowners insurance, but I was no longer able to afford to pay your insurance too since my medical bills kept going up. I want proof that you transferred money back into the joint account every time an EZ pass transfer went through as you had them both and agreed to pay for them starting in 1/08. I want proof that you transferred money back into the joint account when you went to Giant or 7-11 or a gas station and put it on the joint card. At the end of 2007, we agreed that you would take over the utilities at the house plus your own cell phone bills, and in exchange 1/2 of K's rent would be yours to put toward those expenses, and the other half would go into the joint account to pay taxes, homeowners insurance, house warranty, and any needed repairs. No repairs were done, which leaves the mortgage, the homeowners insurance, the taxes and the home warranty being the ony thing you should have used money from the joint account for. And if you'd talked to me and asked to use a bit of it short term with a definite date it would be returned I probably would have been ok with it. But you used the joint account for personal expenses and overdrafted it because of that, and have never attempted to rectify the situation. Again, no honor, and a consistent refusal to keep your word starting from the month I told you I couldn't keep paying for half the house that I no longer lived in, but which had had a vacant bedroom for what? a year.
Comments 
1/26/10 8:10 (UTC) - Don't bother looking..
The "Grand Daddy" comment was from me. I didn't know he was dead, not that it would have mattered in the context of the conversation we were having. If I knew it would offend YOU, I wouldn't have said it, but I don't know your ex, and never will, and could care less about his feelings regarding MY comment on YOUR journal.

My exact words were "Nobody will care who his Grand Daddy is". As in, "The law rarely practices that kind of nepotism". There, is that less offensive?? The term "grand daddy" is not offensive. I didn't say anything negative about anyone and was in no way disrespectful to anyone but your ex himself. I did not say it to him. If he wasn't "easedropping" on what was basically a venting session between you and your friends, he never would have been so horribly offended by one stupid comment that it kept him up nights for this long. Pandora, curiosity and the rest of it.

I was ranting back in your favor with what information I have, and I don't have to be fair or respectful toward him, or even right. I care about YOUR truth and supporting you as a friend, and frankly, I don't care about the facts because all that matters to me is that you stop suffering, and rallying with you whether you are right or wrong. That's what friends do, at least MY friends. I won't apologize for what I said to anyone. Your ex doesn't have to like me, and I don't owe him anything, our paths will never cross. If you want to apologize for me for being an outspoken supporter of you in a forum that he wasn't invited to yet crashed anyway because it happened to be public, feel free. Personally, I think it's a nitpicky bitch move to pull out one stupid thing a complete stranger to him said to you over a year ago when you have much bigger issues at hand. I think he's just trying to flesh out his list of complaints, because that one is pretty weak.

I stopped commenting on your divorce as soon as I realized your ex was reading the posts and using them against you-That was so very long ago. If he read something he didn't like in 2008/09 he should get over it.

"Zooom", this isn't a court of law, it's fucking Livejournal. I'm sure you have plenty of people on your side that have only heard your side, both online and IRL, that think that K is the bad guy. I am K's friend IRL and have seen her health deteriorate and know what she's been through on this end. I am on her side regardless of what your side entails. Don't be such a baby.

K, feel free to delete this if you don't want it on your journal, but I wanted to take responsibility for what I wrote that he's trying to lay on you, and defend what I very flippantly said so very long ago that is now being used as "you let your rude friend hurt my feelings" ploy.







1/26/10 8:41 (UTC) - Re: Don't bother looking..
Ah... now I remember that conversation. Thank you. You didn't mean it to be offensive, and I didn't read it that way, which was why I apologized for offending his Grandfather's memory. I still think Zooom was trying to figure out a way to use who PopPop was to his advantage at that point in time.

And now? I'm lucky I have such awesome friends. I would not be me if I didn't struggle with asking for help sometimes, but I do know you guys are here if I need someone, and right now that means most of my world is somewhere I'd want to live. Not the whole world, all those rants and anger and frustration are there, but the family I've chosen have always been part of that circle where we've got each others backs when needed, a shoulder to cry on or someone to go hang out with when things are tough. I can't fix the world, I can make the corner I chose to occupy a safe supportive happy place.

Thanks again! Have a drink in my honor, and once I finish medical filings (due 1/31/09) we'll work out a night to hang out and watch movies or something. Maybe by then they'll even have some answers on what's wrong with me, and I can eat without throwing up. I miss cooking for/sharing food with friends, and I make a mean macaroni & cheese with bacon and salad - we can feed the boys and find a quiet corner to talk in.

And I have a game called set that I want to teach M (and you & s to if you want). I was teaching T yesterday; he's got the basics, and the last time I played with Allison I wiped the board with her every time, so I think I'll handicap myself somehow to make it more fair. Maybe wait 10 seconds after the cards are dealt to look or something like that. In one game I got 26/26 sets (and I was fubar; this was before the Candidia got bad, and Zooom had texted me a happy birthday a few weeks after I found out he hadn't paid the utilities for months).
1/26/10 21:11 (UTC)
Wow. This is all so crazy I don't even know where to start.

As the other friend mentioned in your entry, zooom, I didn't know you were able to read alumiere's journal, but it doesn't change anything I have said. At first, out of courtesy for the past friendship & a general desire for group peace, & also out of a sense of fairness, my view was as linked: let's not squabble this through in public. Guys, go work it out, ppl break up all the time. I still wish that had been possible. But -

Comparing someone w/ condition A to someone else w/ condition A? do you have any idea how childish that sounds? Person X has cancer. She has a job! Person Y also has cancer, but somehow couldn't keep her job. See, how when you replace fibro/Hashimoto's Thyroid/candida with cancer how stupid that point is? There are so many variations of people, their chemistry, how their medications interplay with themselves or the stresses their body responds to during treatments. To play compare & contrast with someone in pain is an elementary schoolkid's logic, not to mention a really cheap shot.

Also, as someone who has bought several hand-made, lovely shirts from Kim, I can assure you that when she has energy, she's trying to make herself money however she can. I know it's part of the divorce process, but let's not play who's poorer than who.

I won't address the rest of what is said between you two, because it's not my business. Nobody knows what really happened, what was promised or gone back on, except the two of you. I wish it over with as soon as possible so you can both move on & enjoy your new lives. This dragged-out part of the process is forcing you both to live more in the past than you would like.

Kim, you do have someone helping compile your bills/paperwork/necessary proofs, right? The memory blank thing must make all that ahrd. :/

When you (Kim this time) moved to LA, I thought we would drift further apart, as sometimes happens w/ geography. But no, if anything, we have grown closer. - shrug - If my support of you in hard times = my being biased against your ex, that's too bad.

Except that's bullshit, because I didn't think you two were long-term compatible from the get-go. As everyone within two feet of my then-big-mouth can testify. Sorry for that.

Kim - never stop dancing. Hang in there, woman. When this is all over, it's a major turning of the page, insert new day cliché here, etc.

Edited at 2010-01-26 09:44 pm (UTC)