alumiere (alumiere) wrote,


Dear Barbie:

I am in receipt of your undated letter, you high-maintenance slut. Obviously, you've been feeling this way for some time. BUT DON'T TAKE OUT ON ME!!!! I only get what Mattel gives me,,, and they respond to what little girls (and some "little" boys) desire for Christmas. But aside from that, I am willing to address your criticisms.

As for your attire, Have you forgotten that you have been dressed in wonderful evening wear and gowns? OK, so it's not gold lame. You're a TOY! I also recall that recently you were a Shuttle astronaut and a stock car driver. What do you want to be next... "Disgruntled Postal Worker Barbie..." so you can blow the brains out of your Mattel inventors? Or maybe "Anthrax Mailing Barbie?"

I do, however, agree with you about Ken. I always thought of him as a little wussy. He always seemed more interested in your friend Skipper than with you and your friends. And he never liked you when you drove your little Corvette headlong into the Living Room wall. I'm not sure about that ring either. Lately I've seen him hanging around other Kens. Regarding a change in male companionship, GI Joe is not available at this time as he is currently busting some Taliban ass. In the short term, you may just have to be satisfied with Elmo. If not, may I suggest enlisting... Air Force Barbie... talk about flying supersonic!!!

I hope my advise to you is of help. Don't come crying to me anymore about what those jerks at Mattel do to you. You forget that it's run by men!

Santa Claus
Tags: media/funny/etc

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