Freak Day at the Zoo
I was asked to pass this on...
((From our own La Grande Freak.... Slash))
Wake the kidz! Phone the neighbors! Spike the coffee!! An' talk amongst yerselves ('Cos I don't know everybody's e-mail)!!!
FREAK DAY AT THE ZOO
SUNDAY, MAY 18TH at 2:00 pm
Once again it's time for all the usual (and unusual) evolutionary train wrecks to leave their dens and assemble at the Washington National Zoo for an afternoon of tameless tomfoolery and free-range mayhem. The zoo is located on Connecticut Ave., a convenient fistful of monkeypoop's throw
from the Woodley Park/National Zoo Metrorail stop. The genetically unclean and creatively primeval (that be our bad selves) should gather at the internationally renowned Grassy Knoll outside the Mane Café at 2:00pm (Please note that the Café is temporarily extinct, so for those feelin' a need for a "watering hole", beer can be found at the Panda Plaza at
the top of the park. Stalk your fermented prey there before the meeting time. Otherwise, a flask of something in yer pouch wouldn't hurt). Failure to meet at the appointed hour will result in bestial retaliations so UGLY they bugger description…OK, here's a hint…it involves rampant hyenas an'
beef-flavored lube…AND we can make it look like a "Miracle of Nature"!
Or even WORSE…we'll move on without you. Hunt us down when you can.
STANDARD ASS-BLIND: As a wise old secret agent once said, "People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals" (unlike us smart, psychotic, dangerous animals). Think of a gazelle with a fevered ego an' a tie. And worse…some of them are in charge of stuff. They make RULES, many frequently contrary to the "Law of the Jungle" we know, love, an' ascribe to. So to make a long story short…Arming the anteaters with belt-fed artillery, sneaking industrial-strength laxatives to the hippos, publicly engaging in animal husbandry/wifery (in or out of season, including consentual), feeding stray children to the blue-tongued geckos, performing unnamable Lovecraftian
ceremonies involving the loathsome and lugubrious denizens of the Small Mammal House, AND ANY VARIATION OF THE ABOVE THEREOF, are probably what yer typical tie-wearing gazelle in authority would legally call a "no-no".
Anything artistically disturbing in conjunction with our fearsome prairie dog brethren, particularly against the rats that stand between them an' the beer, just don't get caught.
Oh, and by the way, FREAK DAY AT KING'S DOMINION this year is on Saturday, June 28th. Grab some sunblock and stay tuned…