alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

freak day kings dominion

The Official Freak Day at Kings Dominion Invite
Here's the official invite from Red Steve---


Coming to a wholesome family-oriented theme park near you, a sordid display of vice, depravity, murder and show tunes – or at least near-fatal levels of solar radiation, sinister garmentry, and gravity rides that will yank your large intestine over your head like a big smelly stocking cap- its Freak Day! Rated -R- for inappropriate dialogue, sexual content, gunfire and unholy thematic elements.

Saturday June 28th

The usual crowd of unsavory criminal types, sultry dames and assorted Broadway detritus are encouraged to festoon themselves at Noon outside the Main Gate of Paramount Kings Dominion for discount passes, publicity stills and initial encounters with KD’s staff of friendly and well-armed security officers. We advise all combustible attendees to remember to apply a protective coating of SPF-1000 to their vulnerable outer layers.

FREAK AWARDS and BUMPER CAR MASSACRE at 5 PM. Survivors of the day's festivities are encouraged to congregate at the Bumper Cars for the Annual KD Freak Awards, the Blood-Drenched Pit of Despair and Gladiatorial Games, and additional soul-stealing. There will be dubious prizes awarded by our Sinister Panel of Judges in recognition of your vile and repulsive attributes.

THE USUAL DISCLAIMER. The management and staff of Paramount King’s Dominion, the local constabulary, the Office of Homeland Security, and your Mom are strictly opposed to the following practices: the ingestion, sale or insertion of crystal meth, crack cocaine, and/or hallucinogenic toads into any and all parts of your (or anyone else’s) anatomy, the discharge of unregistered firearms, prominent display of the words “Fuck You” on your garments (or anatomy), adultery, the singing of lewd showtunes, and/or the glamorization of sexual license, grisly death and nonconsensual vivisection. Public display of any such unnatural acts may result in your ejection from the premises of the park, fines, imprisonment, or getting the crap beaten out of you by several large angry men with big rubber truncheons. We point this out in the unlikely event that such things concern you. But just remember, if any of the above happens and you end up soiling your own fishnets, don’t say we didn’t warn you. Besides, the aforementioned large angry men are probably doing society a favor. Hail Satan, and have a nice day.

-- Steve

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