alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

musing on drama, open relationships

please note: these musings are not about specific people, but rather are brought about by some really bad behavior i've witnessed and poor choices i've seen made by friends and loved ones both in the past and recently

i love my friends, all of them, but sometimes they drive me insane. friend a breaks up with friend b and things go badly, but why do they try to force people to take sides? breakups happen, if i took sides everytime friends split, i would hardly have any friends left at all. so please, please, please refrain from trying to drag me into it. my strict policy on drama is to ignore and avoid it, and as for breakups, i refuse to take sides unless one person has abused the other - everyone has made mistakes, bad choices, etc. i may not agree with your choices and/or your ex'es, but they are yours and i will not let them affect my friendship with either of you, and if other people start taking sides i'm going to be annoyed and disappointed with them too - it takes 2 people to make a relationsip, and 2 people to break up, and it's none of our business why friend a and friend b made the choices they did.

and just as an fyi, whether it's breakup drama or other drama, please leave it at home when you come out. you know if there's something i can do to help or support you in a time of difficulty i will, but if you're spreading drama i'm going to back off and avoid the subject (or if worse comes to worse and you continue to try to drag me in, i'll back off from spending time with you until things calm down). remember just because i keep my distance doesn't mean i no longer love and care about you - i am simply no longer willing to allow others negativity affect my life - so ask for help/advice/whatever you need and do what it takes to get back on an even, positive keel. all of you have loads of friends who will be there for you if you're working on making a change or taking steps to get things back to where they should be.

a friend of mine who's always accepted my marraige to zooom but not understood it or been comforatble with it surprised me yesterday - she said she's finally found the right person for a partner, and announced that she now understands the difference between sex and a relationship, and even had a discussion with her partner... unfortunately, she doesn't truly get it yet, because she said she told the boy that if he cheated on her she loved him enough to not let that end their relationship...

open relationships are about a lot than just the ability to have sex with other people, and cheating is definately not part of a healthy open relationship... trust and communcation are. that means that you have to trust your partner enough to discuss things beforehand and communicate with them about your wants, needs, fears, etc in a totally open and honest way - lay down the ground rules that work for you, and follow them - both of you. an open relationship in many ways requires more work than a monogamous one, and being able to talk to one another, about anything, is paramount in making things work. cheating, sneaking around, lying, and sins of omision have no place in any healthy relationship, open or not.


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