January 18th, 2009

asleep at mal 9/09

functional alcoholic?

so a friend of mine recently talked about his desire to give up all drinking and why he's doing so, and t also doesn't drink unless we're having a party at home - while he enjoys an occasional cocktail it's not enough to want to risk driving under the influence

i frequently question the amount i drink myself - but i have different reactions than they do - and the decision i've come to is that i need to cut down on my consumption (oh, and all i drink is amaretto di saronna - on ice or with club soda) because totally cutting it out would mean:

taking more painkillers (and i'm allergic to most everything so the pain meds on my shelf are all narcotics) - booze is my preferred method of dealing with the lower level pain (ie: 6-8 on my scale), mainly so i can get some sleep or go dancing/do a lot of walking/etc without taking a massive amount of painkillers. and my body - she does not like her reactions to the narcotics (nausea, dizziness, clammy skin/feverish, nightmares and night terrors), nor does my brain - i know i'm probably just high, but to me i feel stupid, incapable of lucid thought or speech - and it is not pleasant or fun

i'd also become even less likely to talk to people i don't already know well - the alcohol knocks down the terminally shy a peg or two (and yeah i've been put on meds for that - they're useless, just make me sleepy and totally numb, no more likely to talk to people when i don't want to move)

but sometimes i worry that i drink more than i should, so i've been keeping track of my current alcohol consumption on spark along with my diet - and it's not as bad as i thought it was (2-4oz of amaretto a day, ususally with my before bed snack unless i'm out at a club or a party in which case i may hit 6-8oz over the course of the night) - and since i don't drive to clubs anymore i think i'll keep tracking this, but stop worrying quite so much

this may all be a rationalization or a crutch, but really i figure a few drinks are better than an addiction to painkillers any day