November 25th, 2009

asleep at mal 9/09

tweets du jour

  • 09:01 @docbrite this is disgusting - RT ncredibly hateful transmisogynistic commentary from "feminists": tinyurl.com/yhz38qj #
  • 09:04 also, really annoyed with CA unemployment; they scheduled an 8am phone interview, i got up, they called from a blocked number (cont) #
  • 09:07 which my phone doesn't accept, now their lines are all busy - wtf?! all because i sent the last claim form back late (misplaced the mail) #
  • 09:11 9am and i'm already having a fuck this stupidity, people suck day; i will go workout to maybe burn some of this fury off; i can't think atm #<
    /a>
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asleep at mal 9/09

I hate this...

I just read a long post about an online friend's wedding, which made me cry a lot.

Ten years ago my partner and I were putting together our wedding, making sure that it would be a perfect day (it wasn't quite perfect; rain moved the ceremony indoors), and talking about how in ten years we wanted to have a huge anniversary party at the same location with all our friends and family there. In May 2000, after years together, I married my best friend, because he convinced me that we'd be together forever.

And now? Now, I'm going through a seriously ugly divorce, he's refused to pay bills that were in my name but for the house he lived in (and he was collecting rent to pay said bills). My ex (who on some level I still fucking miss - wtf is wrong with me? - how can I miss even my best friend when he's obviously someone I didn't know or he wouldn't do this?) has done things that have cost me huge amounts of money, but more devastating he's done things that have made my already bad health worse.

And he continues to waste my time, the court's time, my attorney's time with bullshit filings and offers that are unreasonable beyond belief. I've been trying to wrap my head around his behavior and actions since spring 2008 when he started blaming me for the fact that he couldn't afford to keep our house without me paying for it, but I keep failing.

How does one cope with the fact that the person you've loved, the person you've bent over backwards to help, the partner you tried to give the world to turns into someone you don't want to know?

And now, instead of planning that 10 year anniversary party; inviting friends and family to come celebrate with us; I'm trying to build a new life for myself. Only I can't do that because the ex won't negotiate a reasonable settlement, and seems to think that he doesn't need to pay his bills.

I know damn well that he's hoping I'm too sick to deal with this anymore and sign off on his ludicrous offer, or that the case will get decided without me because I can't get to MD for the hearing, or that I'll appear but be unable to represent myself since I have memory loss. Taking advantage of the fact that I'm sick to avoid paying for your bills? Sorry, but that's wrong.

I seem to remember you doing something incredibly stupid back in the day (at Trax), and me bailing you out. That incident was over a few hundered dollars someone owed you - so tell me, how is what you're doing now acceptable?
asleep at mal 9/09

In other news...

Dancing is good; exercise is hard; energy is better than it was but I'm still wiped after one or two tasks most days (yesterday it was the grocery store and cleaning out the fridge as the pork chops leaked).

I'm making progress? on figuring out how to work around the numb hands/arms - having T home in the afternoons helps, as he will help me handle hot pots/pans, cut veggies, etc; and generally be here to catch me if I fall.

I'm still intermittently dizzy and the ringing in my ears hasn't cleared yet, but that is likely the candidia (in my throat/esophagus, and I think backed up into my ears as well) and/or the meds to treat it - fluconazole sucks, vfend not as bad but also not as affective. On the bright side, the vertigo is not as bad as it was when I was on anti-biotics.

Tomorrow we go to the left coast orphans thanksgiving - too much food, many friends, catching up with people I don't get to see enough of. I'm making Greek salad and a spinach salad as my dinner contributions.

And tonight dreadeddragon and A will be over for haircuts, coloring of A's hair and dinner which will be delicious. Chicken stuffed with herbed cheese and cooked in vodka sauce plus a side of green beans.

The weekend ahead should be fun too; I haven't made it to Bunker very often lately (too out of it to deal with the crowds or the repeated climbing of stairs) but we plan on going this week if possible as Aesthetic Perfection is playing. Saturday is Ruin's Second anniversary (at the same space as Mal, more gothy so less dancing though) which is a maybe as well depending on how I feel.

Sunday is Malediction which is a must for me - that's the space that feels like the best fit, and the club where I'm most comfortable even when I'm not with it or up to dancing. For those of you on the right coast, Mal is a mid-sized club, probably about 1.5 times the dance/bar space as Electroshock, but with an added huge rooftop patio for cooling off and chatting.

And the new skirt from slyxx was a huge hit last Sunday; I will post pictures when they are available. First time in months that I felt really good about how I looked, and the compliments were nice too.

And now, back to sleep for a while as my second dose of sleep meds have hit and I woke up way too early. Since T has off today and tomorrow I'm going to go curl up with him for a few more hours.