June 15th, 2010

asleep at mal 9/09

Sunday & Monday

Sunday:
Yesterday's brunch was delicious & it was good to see ppl, but I only managed to be functional for ~ 3 hours, mostly sitting down. #almeds
After coming home I napped, ate, read a bit and went back to bed.

Monday:
2 hours at doctor; 1 hour at pharmacy; wiped the fuck out. Pain/numb 8/9. Dr's office was frigid, feet still feel almost frostbitten. #almed
Test results were back on 1 set of tests, thyroid levels so low "I'm surprised you're standing". Start new to me med Armor tomorrow. #almeds
Then, ramp up to 1/2 of what she thinks I'll wind up on over the next month, get new tests and have follow up in 5-6 wks. Yeah?! #almeds

Today's link theme: science and living in the future:

"We live in the future. Solar Fucking Sails." http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/06/solar-sail-deployment/

Formation of Saturn's ring moons: http://www.physorg.com/news195368117.html More could form too...

The universe is an amazing place, and I'm really glad I get to be around at this time in human history where we continually learn new things about ourselves, our planet/solar system, about space and time and matter. The sense of wonder and curiosity and the desire for exploration and understanding is awesome.

If we can manage to keep from totally destroying our home planet or annihilating each other imagine what we could find. The optimist hopes humanity gets its shit together and soon; the pessimist (more than 1/2) thinks we're doomed as a species, and our planet may not survive our selfish, idiotic, violent actions.

I wish I still had that belief that I had in my teens/twenties - that our voices could change the world. Now that I've accepted reality, that the difference I can make is small, that I can only impact the minute corner of the world I live in, it's more frustrating to see humans continually doing it wrong.
asleep at mal 9/09

A bit of detail on yesterday's 1 thing:

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I'll end with a thank you to everyone who helps keep me from totally losing my shit, my family and friends who've given me emotional and financial support when it is necessary, my friends who put up with my bad moods or my sleepwalking through stuff, and most of all to T for not letting my lack of enthusiasm or energy drive him up a wall. There's still a glimmer of hope but it's harder and harder for me to see it some days; I know it's still there and I haven't given up - I just can't always remember why.

Patient hits post on her blog, switches tabs to mute music and resume BBC player. Neil Gaiman's voice quotes Jack Benny on BBC Radio which makes her smile a bit: "I do not deserve this award. But I do not deserve my arthritis and I have that too." Fade out begins.

Patient voice over: At some point I suppose I'll learn to laugh about my pain/health; today is not that day, but even a wry smile is an improvement. End