February 7th, 2011

asleep at mal 9/09

"How to compliment a woman without sexualising her"

In response to this piece, which is overall awesome.

But I do have a problem with one part… I’m a nerdy woman who dresses in ways that some people think is sexy. I have a love of corsets, but I still don’t want to be told by some random ass hat that I’m hot.

Just because I enjoy being corseted does not make me any more comfortable with being the object of unwanted attention. So the suggestion that if I’m dressed in a way that someone else perceives to be sexy doesn’t make it acceptable to objectify me.

One of the problems with the assumption that wearing a skirt or heels is inherently sexy to some people is that entitlement. People think that because you’re dressed in a specific way you’re fair game, and it’s never appropriate.

Even the 'booth babes' (I’ve done booth babe duties for friends at Dragon Con – it’s actually quite fun), deserve respect. They may be there to sell stuff or promote some product, but they’re also human beings, often gamers and geeks themselves, and simply because they’re ‘sexy’ does not give anyone the right to harass them.

Tell me you like my dress or the hair. Tell me I dance well. Talk to me about my writing or my style or the clothes and accessories I make. Don't call me sexy unless we're already past the introductory shyness and you're fairly confident that I'll be receptive to a compliment solely on my looks. But even then a better choice is "you look fabulous or beautiful or..."

ETA: this is a public post. Like all my public posts, comments are welcome, feel free to share or quote, just make sure you credit me with a link back here. Thanks!

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