January 18th, 2016

asleep at mal 9/09

with love (and frustration)... the state of me

hi all… this is not directed at anyone in particular, but i've been overwhelmed by some stuff and wanted to ask everyone to help me out. i love that so many of you care about what's going on with me health wise, that you ask me how i'm doing and listen, that you want me to do things with you. but sometimes the teasing about my newly uber-thin size or my limits, asking me when ?? will be better, or the wtf expressions when i sometimes answer 'how are you' honestly can hurt. and often suggestions on how to fix my body or to just push through something i can't do or that costs too much physically/pain wise are frustrating. so please know that my doctors and i have my health managed as well as possible, i push for the things i can do and enjoy without making shit worse, and if you don't want to maybe hear what ridiculous fubar my body is throwing at me this week (a 50-50 chance i'll babble/vent atm), instead of 'hi, how are you' try 'hi, it's good to see you' or something like that. no apologies necessary, i know you're all coming from a good place, and i probably owe a few of you apologies for venting in your direction after a 'how are you' - but you did ask. also, this is not a woe is me post, but the reality i live every fucking day - it's hard, i'm angry about it, and i screw up a lot when i fail at cope, but i'm fighting to have the best life possible and you all usually make me feel happier, so the recent trend is no doubt an anomaly (i'm stressed out and raw from new to me manifestations of my body fail). i know the hurt is unintentional, that you're trying to help/encourage me... for which i thank you sincerely, but i'm asking you to knock it off for now - i'll let you know when teasing me about my health/size is okay again (once this becomes my new normal it won't be so hard).

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