alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

trip east, life, holidaze

trip back east was rough to say the least - i'm going to apologize now for people who came out to see me saturday but didn't get to see much of me and/or saw plenty of me but i wasn't all there

friday t and i took the day off work to spend some time together before hitting the club - both the day and the club were great - i was especially happy with the anime/japanese theme night at bunker - they had an amazing tycho drum group perform on the main stage of the club - so not what i'd expect to see at a g/i club, and definitely not something i'd expect to have a few hundred freaks standing around watching and enjoying respectuflly - but that was what happened

saturday morning started out ok; got to the airport on time and with only 2 small purse/backpack type carryons (one good thing about the short trip - no luggage), got seated and then waited - flight delays both out of burbank and out of las vegas due to fog/rain - and crying infant the entire way from vegas to bwi = no sleep for kim (i hit the airport at my normal bedtime and landed at 4:30pm that afternoon still awake and very pissed off)

picked up rental car (painless thankfully) and headed to baltimore a bit late to meet folks at the stable for dinner (mmm... ribs) - and it was really good to see everyone, but i was sooo exhausted that i spent a good bit of dinner just listening to everyone chat around me - food helped a bit, but i couldn't even finish a half rack of ribs - which is very strange

then to eshock for more time w/ friends - again, it was excellent to see people but i wasn't "on" at all; left early because i had a splitting headache - bad enough to be making me nauseous - did dance to about 2 songs, but couldn't find my groove, just way out of it in spite of being really excited to be there for a bit and see everyone

however, as i was driving from bwi to baltimore and again from baltimore to mom's i realized that while there are quite a lot of people out there i miss a lot (only a few of whom i got to see last weekend), i don't miss much about the east coast as a place, and some of the sites definitely bring bad memories and less than good feelings to the fore - i suspect visits east will become more infrequent except when work demands it for a while; hopefully in time some of the sadness and pain will go away, but atm there are almost too many negatives for me to get comfortable there

got to mom's, crashed hard, got up and went to the assisted living site to pick up grandma and meet sister/brotherinlaw/nephews for lunch... grandma picked so we went to a converted dennys called "uncle nicks" - i had an edible but not what i'd call good spinach salad but grandma enjoyed her crabcakes which was the point; then we went back to grandma's room to do a bit of early christmas and attend the carolling grandma wanted to go to (it was icky/creepy in that old people's home way); finally got out of there and took grandma back to mom's for a few hours...

grandma is definitely not doing well physically; but her mind is still there and in many ways i can tell she's done with life - sad but it happens and while i'll miss her i'd rather she goes the way she'd like, quietly in her sleep while she's still mentally here - she knows she's not got long for this world, and mom is coming to grips with that as well... i'm really glad i got to go see her now though - they're both hoping she'll make it thru christmas and the new year, but don't expect much more time than that

mom also surprised me by asking how zooom was and how the split was going now that the house was gone - apprently zooom sent her a really nice email expressing sympathy for her and grandma - glad to know he still cares about my family i guess

i'm trying to handle grandma's impending loss with grace - as she said she's had an amazing life and i know she's ready to be done with it - but it's still really hard - in some ways this would be so much easier if i believed that we'd see each other again in "heaven" but i know in my heart there's no such place and once we're gone we live on only in the memories of those still alive and in the things we did while we were living... but at least i got to have her in my life well into adulthood and have had some wonderful experiences with her

then the flight back home was about as good as the flight out - left mom's at 12am pacific, made it to the airport/flight on time; longer in the air than expected due to weather, delay in vegas again, home nearly 2 hours late and once again with no sleep on the planes... sometimes i hate flying

at least t was able to come pick me up at the airport although it messed up both our sleep schedules pretty badly (and i slept thru most of my workday then worked all night) and now we're both sick (he had it first starting saturday, pretty sure it came from his work and was exacerbated for me by the travel stress and exhaustion) - it is good to have someone to curl up with though when you're not feeling well and the apartment's cold (and it is cold this week, and rainy - especially for la)

holiday plans for us are pretty non-existant - we'll probably spend 12/25 the same way as last year - hang out with housemates and friends and perhaps go catch a good movie (any suggestions?)

and we're having one last blowout here for new years - everyone is invited to drop by for a drink or three to help us ring in 2009

we'll definitely be at bunker friday, i may try to hit mal sunday as well - i need to dance quite a lot atm - hopefully that will help my mood somewhat; right now i'm feeling pretty black
Tags: deep? thoughts..., la life, on the east coast, split from zooom, weekend plans

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