the thing that really hit me the most was her frank discussion of "mind blanks" - it pretty well describes a newish (and terrifying) part of my condition... and so far, nothing is making them any less frequent or severe
It's difficult to communicate how the mind of a highly intelligent person can completely stop functioning and pretty much become a vacant space.
It is like looking at a vacant lot where there used to be houses, or not being able to retrieve files from a computer though you know they are there.
i hate this, i'm tired of being this broken, i want someone to find a way to rebuild my adrenal system so this stops now
and in other health related news, it's been miserably damp and chilly here all week, my arthritis has been flaring so badly i've been shaking (as in i can't hold a glass more than 3/4 full without spilling it everywhere - and that's when i'm paying attention) when the pain meds wear off, and my lack of a properly functioning immune system means that a few hours out friday (dressed warmly too) has tipped me over from "pain, but i can cope" to "i have another fucking cold too" (which is really tough - i can't take cold meds such as nyquil, robutussin, etc because of allergies and/or reactions with the heparin)
yeah - and i still feel flat emotionally, which is so alien - intellectually i'm fighting this & trying to keep things going normally (and not really succeeding)
but emotionally - it's like that part of my brain has been wrapped in cotton batting then shrink wrapped and shipped to antarctica where i get to talk to it once a week on aim for 15 minutes (and it's typing through the wrappings so there are a lot of typos and very slow responses) - i'd rather be the overly emotional mess i was a few years ago than feel like this all the time
ok - enough complaining; i'm lucky to have a great group of friends both locally and back east who help keep me sane and i can't thank you enough for being here to do that - and i can hope that tomorrow's a better day