alumiere (alumiere) wrote,


I feel like I have nothing left to give or give up most days. I sleep, I eat a bit, I work out or dance when I can, I hunt for a job, I take meds and wish they'd work or struggle with the side effects, I may do some sewing or cooking or read if I'm capable. Rinse and repeat ad nausea.

Today is no different than yesterday or the day before, random flashes of anger or cute prompt me to blather here or twitter links or talk with T. But this isn't what I want my life to be.

Two days sans anti-biotics and I still feel like complete crap, plus there is no obvious change after 30 days on Doxycycline & Cipro - ye olde memory issues are still here. Also, the dizziness and vertigo are not clearing up as expected after I was done with them, but they aren't quite as bad as they were, so I guess my body needs more time.

I feel like my intelligence is being leeched out through my ears; the constant low grade ringing is infuriating.

Insurance company bullshit continues. I'm now taking this to the insurance commissioner, for all the good I think it'll do.

I am supposed to see the doctor again on 11/30/09; I want answers, but my reactions to the things we tried this round seem to indicate that won't happen. And I still need to go have bloodwork and other tests done.

I had a good weekend I think. I lost a good bit of Saturday, but I knew I was out of it, so T turned on "Forever Knight" on hulu, and it really doesn't matter how much of that mess I forget. No medical tracking since last week - frustrated and the side effects of the anti-biotics were so harsh it became a why bother; will resume once those are out of my system.

I did go out to Malediction with T, mostly coherent conversation and I think I danced a good bit too; we had hoped to go out Saturday to Ruin as well, but too too out of it for that; next time I hope.

We had a productive Monday - cleared off both tables, cleaned the kitchen & bath, cooked, and sorted through medical paperwork so I can send new copies of 2009 to BC/BS as they "don't have that in the system" again.

I am also amazingly lucky that I have wonderful family and friends and a partner who's patient with me and does makes sure I'm taking care of myself properly. Without all of you I wouldn't be able to get through this.

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