alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

This hit me in a lot of places, but most of all in the parts that are broken. When it's time for me to face death I hope that I do it as painlessly, as peacefully, as Aldous Huxley seems to have done.

If that means someone has to feed me a hallucinogen so I can get lost in my own mind and let go, I would ask that you do so. I feel like I'm not afraid of death as a whole, that my consciousness will cease to be and my body will be recycled (in part I hope to help others live) as part of our world, and that the energy that makes me tick will become a part of the universe again.

I have no intention of letting go of life right now; I plan to keep fighting for the things that matter to me. But when I hit that point where it's obvious I'm not going to make it, pull the plug, remove the machines, and give me whatever I ask for to ease my way to that peace.

I know for me music will be a necessity, plug in my hard drive and start with the stompy crunchy stuff and the 80's/new wave "cheese". But when I start to drift toward the end, Delerium, Portishead, Ella, Billy, et al, and phreddiva's Fifth Element should be on random shuffle.

I also want to be surrounded by those I love, preferably at home, as it will be easier to let go.
Tags: death, deep? thoughts..., la life, medical

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