alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

quarantine hell

i haven't written here in way too long, my brain isn't working the way it should and hasn't for a long time so i have been lurking but not posting. however i need to make a long post and this is the best place for me to do so...

i'm in a lovely apartment in koreatown (los angeles) and have been for years now, for which i'm very thankful - great location, good neighbors & enough space for me to have a dining room table in my bedroom filled with sewing machines.

right now though my roommate mr.k (who is sometimes difficult but we work out the problems as they arise) has brought in a guest (now gf) ms.l who is so fucking abusive i want to leave the apartment i love to get away from her.

she's been screaming about how the way our apartment works isn't right or good enough on a regular basis since about august. but i can generally tune her out and the next day she'll act like the bad behavior never occurred. however, about two weeks ago on another night where she was drunk because life isn't giving her everything (privileged princess expects people to give her things and money) she lost her shit at me for cooking mr.k a burger when i was making myself one because he asked; i even asked her if she wanted one (nope). apparently i'm not supposed to make food for him if he asks for it because he's her bf so that's her job.

ms.l has a serious drinking problem - the day in question was the third or fourth day in a row she was drunk to screaming at everyone - on a previous day that week she screamed at me out the fucking window (i was on the patio) because she thought i'd moved her vibrator (i didn't, mr.k put it away before going to work) and the entire building could hear her. but i'm sorry, being drunk and not getting your way is not an excuse for treating the people who are letting you stay in their apartment rent free because you would be on the street otherwise is unacceptable.

after i made mr.k a burger around 4pm thursday and was sitting at the kitchen table to eat mine she stormed out of her room and started screaming at me about how i am trying to ruin her relationship by making him food. ridiculous i know but the thing is she didn't stop yelling at me for roughly eight hours, and a lot of that yelling was threatening... to cut me, to cut off my clit, to kill me etc - all for making him a burger.

i tried going to my room to let her cool down, but that wasn't enough, she'd stand outside my door and scream at me some more. so i went outside to the smoking patio and stayed there for hours because every time i went back into the apartment she got louder.

at one point ms.l slammed the door to the utility room into me because i had come inside to get some chips and refill my drink as i was hungry/thirsty and that wasn't acceptable nor was trying to walk away. then, while i was outside she apparently decided my things should be thrown around or taken because she was mad.

ms.l threatened to cut me, to cut my clit off, to kill me repeatedly but i was trying to be the better person and give her space to sober up and calm down. at about 12:20am i went back inside again hoping she had passed out and i could go to bed; nope - as soon as she heard the back door open she stomped out of her room to yell at me some more. mr.k by that point had been passed out for hours (after taking a sleeping pill and locking her out of his room to avoid the ridiculousness) but before he passed out he told me to call the police if she was a threat to her or i.

usually i wouldn't call the police for something like that but i had been being threatened for about 8 hours by that point and i clearly couldn't go inside, let alone sleep without fear she'd make good on the threats. and she still had booze so she was still drinking and getting angrier and more irrational, so i finally called the police on her. (fyi, petite 50ish white woman, not someone who is in danger from the police).

and she wrenched the phone out of my hands while i was on the phone with 911 - after a few minutes i was able to grab it back. the operator asked me to find somewhere safe inside to wait. so i went to my room and closed the door and put down the folding doorstop (that is the only lock i have) and then stood on the doorstop to keep her out. nope, she pushed my door open dragging the doorstop along the floor and pushing me back. the dispatcher heard this too. so i ran through the apartment and out the door telling dispatch that i'd be on the back patio because that was safer.

when the police came they talked to me for a few minutes and i told them i had recorded some of the threats on my phone/tablet because i couldn't believe what i was hearing and ms.l surely wouldn't remember because she was super drunk. they tried talking to her from the outside back door, asking her to come outside and talk with them but she refused for i would guess 40 minutes. eventually they told her since she refused to come out they would be coming in. they brought her out and took her to their car, and after a little while they arrested her. i think the police decided that taking her away was the best thing they could do, but i wanted her to get help, not be charged with a felony.

the next day, mr.k called me from work, he was bailing her out and would i please let her in to at least feed her animals and get some clean clothes. he also said to please use his taser if she got out of control again. i grabbed his taser and carried it with me when i let ms.l back in, she listened to a few minutes of the threats and gave me her usual i can't believe i said that, i'm not like that, i was drunk non-apology.

but i let it go because part of the conditions of letting her back into the apartment was that she had to stop drinking and see a doctor/get therapy. and for a few days things were calm and quiet and i was like maybe it really was the booze talking. i still want her out but when she's not drinking the hope is ms.l is less unreasonable toward me.

i was fucking wrong. the verbal abuse has resumed, and she keeps getting upset about me being in the kitchen/living room to eat or sit in my comfy chair with the electric blanket aka full body heating pad. ms.l also can't be bothered to follow the simple rule of put the bathroom rugs back onto the velcro so they don't slip and i took a bad fall. fortunately i didn't hit my head, just my left side so now i have bruised (maybe cracked) ribs and breathing hurts. of course this is terrifying because "is the difficulty breathing covid-19?" and sleeping is nearly impossible.

oh, and she thinks i want her dead (i don't). if i wanted ms.l dead i wouldn't have made her a mask, started buying more organic groceries so food i cooked can be eaten by her.

i have gone so far out of my way to be nice to someone who obviously hates me i cannot believe my poor decision. today was another screaming session because i called her on her bad irrational behavior. (as was tuesday, wednesday, thursday and sunday). and this is with ms.l not having had a drink since 3/27.

i bought noise cancelling headphones thanks to my parents so i can't overhear her conversations when i'm cooking/eating but that's not enough if ms.l is in a bad mood. to clarify a bad mood is almost every day because people aren't giving her the money/things she demanded. i am afraid to cook or eat about half the time because my wanting food means i'm listening to her conversations so more yelling.

ms.l still thinks the world should give her everything she wants no questions asked, and the fact that it isn't happening is my fault. the fact that mr.k is done with her bad behavior is my fault. the fact that she knocked a glass over in the cabinet on wednesday and it fell out and broke is my fault (i was in the living room with headphones on - so she came into the living room and got louder until i took them off so i could hear her yelling about how everything about the apartment is fucked up).

she doesn't understand that the vile language and threats are abusive behavior. that if she wants to have that arrest become a conviction she can keep it up, but if not ms.l needs to get her shit under control.

yes, i'm okay. thank fuck for live streams and twitch and zoom with chosen family. our wonderful collective is bringing me fresh fruit/veg/etc weekly - thank you sooo much. thank fuck i can walk totally isolated circles in our parking area late at night to burn off the rage (well not so much right now, when my ribs get better that will resume). thank fuck i was finally able to get my meds filled last week which is helping me manage the pain. thank fuck i have material and the ability to make masks for people (including ms.l because regardless of how horrible she is she deserves to be protected when she goes out).

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