alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

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from today's morning fix

An Air Force colonel has been suspended for writing a letter in which he
called President Bush "a joke" and accused him of allowing the Sept. 11
attacks to happen because "his presidency was going nowhere." The letter
from Lt. Col. Steve Butler was published May 26 in The (Monterey County)
Herald. "He did nothing to warn the American people because he needed
this war on terrorism," Butler wrote. "His daddy had Saddam and he
needed Osama. His presidency was going nowhere. ... This guy is a joke."
Butler has been suspended due to his deadly accuracy and his absolute
correctness in the matter, but his superiors were apparently slightly
disappointed that he failed to point out that Bush is merely a bumbling
little puppet in Overlord Cheney's little war-drunk drama and while he
is certainly a virulent danger to the progress of the human soul, Cheney
is the true Dark Lord who actually sees all and controls all and strokes
the hairless cat sitting in his lap very slowly and creepily while
sucking pure ether from a tank and making a completely castrated Powell
crawl around on all fours and bark like a dog.
**Also, Very Sorry About The Millennia Of Neverending Guilt**
The head of the nation's largest Roman Catholic archdiocese will place
full-page ads in three newspapers to reassure the public that he is
doing all he can to prevent future abuse by priests. Cardinal Roger
Mahony has written an open letter that will appear in editions of the LA
Times, the Daily News of LA and La Opinion. "This is a trying time for
all of us," Mahony wrote. "An overwhelming sadness, along with a very
real anger, accompanies the realization that people who serve the
archdiocese have victimized all of us by betraying our trust," he
continued. "Also, I've got a Weber double-grill gas barbecue, some heavy
duty chains, an inflatable Jenna Jameson blow-up doll, and upwards of
ten years of Honcho back-issues I'll be dumping cheap at a garage sale
this weekend over at my personal compound in Pasadena," he did not add.
"Just ring the phallic knocker on the enormous hand-carved wood doors
featuring a relief of the famous ancient myth of the ten totally cute
half-naked Greek boys lost in the woods and found by the wide-eyed
well-hung archangel and then they all dance in ecstatic pagan-esque
revelry and lubricious tongue bathing and are soon joined by a dozen
virgin nymphs named Destiny or maybe Dominique and they all discover the
true joys of religion and really good deep-house music. I'll be in the
back, sipping a margarita and flirting with the pool boy."
Tags: media/funny/etc

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