alumiere (alumiere) wrote,

some jokes from my friend chae


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?

All men are idiots....and I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Keep honking...I'm reloading.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Hang up and drive.

God must love stupid people...He made SO many

I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

Your kid may be an honor student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.


Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.....

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep till the afternoon.

Oh, I'm sorry, I though that was a Braille name tag.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?

Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize?

Do you want to dance, No? Well, I guess a fuck is out of the question.

Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.

Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Tags: media/funny/etc

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